The Man Trap (Hello, Salty Goodness!)

In which I slash Jones.
Original Airdate 09-08-1966
Remastered Airdate 09-29-2007
Production # 6149-06
Episode 1.05
Stardate 1513.1 - 1513.8 (is this 7 hours, a week. what?)
Planet M-113
Non-Crew Aliens Salt seeking Vampire

Captain's log, stardate 1513.1. Our position, orbiting planet M-113
Enterprise: *is orbiting random red planet that will double for a number of other planets in future episodes*
Uhura: *is at the navigation station!?*
Spock: *is pissy one of his humans are visiting their ex... or is constipated*
Planet: *has sparkly sand*
Crewman Darnell: *thinks switching out his red shirt for blue will protect him*
Captain's Log: "Our mission, routine medical examination of archaeologist Robert Crater, and his wife, Nancy. Routine, but for the fact that Nancy Crater is that one woman in Dr. McCoy's past."

So... we're ignoring the ex-wife for now, or is this some other 'that one woman'? Also, earlier Kirk calls him 'Ship's surgeon'. Is that a demotion or promotion from CMO?

Is that how you get girls to like you?
Kirk: "I pik'd des fur u"
McCoy: *oddly, not impressed' "Let's just walk right in."
Nobody: "Shouldn't we wait to be invited?"
Landing Party: "Door's open."
Door: *is not there*

 

Well, you see, we walked out of each other's lives ten years ago.
McCoy: *is slightly nervous*
Kirk: *finds it adorable, but hopes she forgot all about his Bones*
Nancy: *definitely didn't forget*
"Leonard! Are you here for a booty call? I'd totally be open to that."
McCoy: *is thinking about it. a lot.*
Nancy: *is hoping that Kirk isn't here for the threesome she promised, never thinking she'd have to deliver*

 

We had beamed down to the planet without suspicion
Captain's Log: "Captain's log, additional entry. Since our mission was routine, we had beamed down to the planet without suspicion. We were totally unaware that each member of the landing party was seeing a different woman, a different Nancy Crater."
Kirk: *is suddenly not worried that she's going to steal his Bones*
Crewman Darnell: *sticks his foot further in his mouth than any crewman who hopes to live should ever attempt*

So.. McCoy and Crewman Should-have-been-a-red-shirt both see beautiful women they're all twitterpated over and Kirk sees... an older, graying lady. I'm sure this says something about all three of them.

...leave me and my wife alone
Dr. Crater : *is belligerent*
McCoy: *is offended*
Kirk: *is amused*
Dr. Crater: *is still belligerent*
Kirk: "All yours, Plum Dr. McCoy

Assuming that McCoy got his nickname the same way he did in the new movie, because I can, you just know, when Kirk called him Plum, he was praying that one didn't stick as well.

I was just trying to start a conversation.
Uhura's Legs : *are hot*
Spock: "Miss Uhura, your last subspace log contained an error in the frequencies column."
Uhura: "I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say 'frequency' one more goddamn time."
Spock: *is confused*

Spock said frequency one more time, and Uhura shoved her ear piece in his ear. And not gently, either. Side note: He totally lied about the moon thing.

Then what kills a healthy man...?
McCoy: "Now I'll tell you something else. This man shouldn't be dead. I can't find anything wrong with him. According to all the tests, he should get up and just walk away from here."

Apparently, he skipped the tests that measure heart beat and brain activity.

What is it?
Spock: "Fascinating."
McCoy: "So improbable we almost didn't check it."
Kirk: "What the fuck are you people talking about?"

McCoy's the Dispensary? So he's been downgraded to pharmacy tech? I guess Kirk really was pissed about him bringing up his old lover. Ouch.

I thought it was, sir.
Kirk: "You in the mood for an apology?"

If, by apology, you mean make-up sex, and Kirk does. Meanwhile, Spock's off in the corner forced to watch these two flirt. McCoy thinks it's the power of his pout that made Kirk smile like that, when in actuality, it was him saying the word 'error'. I know, because I got that exact same smile on my face.

After Spock and Kirk leave, McCoy, of course, practices different pouts. He has to keep his arsenal up to date.

Nancy. You. Salt!

Well, no wonder she was all over McCoy. If that's the kind of wooing she's used to, McCoy probably just pouted at her, said the word 'error' and she was his for the taking!

Also, I've figured out why all the non-red shirt people are dying. They're really red-shirts who've tried wearing different colors. Death was not fooled.

Fun fact: Sturgeon (dead shoulda-been-a-red-shirt here who doesn't get impersonated) will later be back as a red-shirt. I think he'll also be back in blue at some point, as well.

What went on down there?

Rand, who's only purpose this episode seems to be to have funky hair, makes her appearance. Wait, she actually gets to eat in this episode as well! Cue knuckle-biting. Kinky.

Is that for me?

Wait, she gets ogled this episode as well! And, also, turns out she was eating some of Sulu's food.

He is not an inanimate object.

I feel privileged, we did get some character filling. We find out Rand and Sulu seem to be friends.

Crewman, do I know you?

I'll be honest, this one's just here because I love Uhura's walk in this for some reason, and I had to point out that he's wearing blue linen overalls. Just... really?

Try taking one of those red pills you gave me last week.

Let us all take a moment to appreciate this. Kirk obviously is.

You have such strong memories of me.

I feel this speaks for itself.

Would you look at that!

Let us count the women in trousers. This doesn't happen all that often. Okay, it's two, but that was two more than I was expecting! So trouser'd women in Star Trek is very much canon in TOS! It's the small victories, sometimes.

Perhaps I can help.

I'm wondering if the slow and lethargic speaking is supposed to be a signal that the creature is running out of energy, or what. What's that? I'm the only one wondering? Okay.

Set your phaser on one quarter, I'll leave mine on stun.
Spock: *thinking* Holy fuck, what is that fucker doing?
Kirk: "Mr. Spock, did you see me running?"
Spock: "Yes sir, excellent zigzag form, not ridiculous in the least. The enemy will never be able to hit you. Just to confirm, Captain, you did specifically state in your will that I would be receiving both the ship and Doctor McCoy, correct?"

 

Recommend we use truth serum, Captain.

Kirk seems to have put an awful lot of thought into what all you could do with a person/creature who could become anyone.

Is that Nancy, Doctor?

I can only assume that McCoy does... nothing, really, because he's still under the influence of those red pills. Part of him has to wonder if this is all some trippy dream.

That 'fight' between Spock and Salty was... special. Wonder where he learned that technique.

Something wrong, Captain?
Spock: "I trust this will not occur again."
Kirk: "Yes, Bones, you've learned your lesson, haven't you?"
McCoy: *is so never bringing a girlfriend home again*

And, since you've stuck around this long, a couple of bonus images:

Run, Kirk, run!
Jones!!!

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